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The World Health Organization (WHO) announced its findings on the physical and psychological health of Americans. It’s a bleak report. And even though it reviews well known facts such as the leading cause of bankruptcy for Americans is medical bills, there are several surprising insights.

The leading cause of death for people living in the United States of America is the United States of America.

”It doesn’t matter if you live in Texas, Massachusetts, Alaska, or Hawaii, the United States of America is more than likely going to get you in the end,” stated WHO’s Professor Andrew Canard.

The study illustrates how lax gun laws, flaccid environmental regulations, and a country hell-bent for KFC extra crispy chicken creates a perfect storm of death.

”A casual look at the news today and you’ll see stories about the recent mass shooting, how people are dying at a superfund site, and an evangelical leader saying how teaching evolution causes mass shootings,” remarked Professor Canard. “It’s absurd.”

The study also finds there are three primary reasons why people still live in the United States of America despite its horrific living conditions:

  1. A public education system that cranks out Kardashian loving mouth breathers.
  2. An economic system that entraps citizens in debt so that they can not move.
  3. A culture of faith-based fascism that tricks residents into believing the USA is #1.

WHO recommends citizens who can escape to leave the country immediately.

“Pack only what you can carry. Leave while you still can,” Professor Canard said.

Professor Canard suggests citizens should acquire absentee ballots for the 2020 election. At least they will be able to vote in relative safety.


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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...