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The Supreme Court is blazing a trail towards 1933 Germany with all of its wacky rulings. But if we were going to peer into a crystal ball, what will future decisions look like?

Check out this shortlist of upcoming Supreme Court rulings.

  • Uteruses have the right to remain silent (Justice Kavanaugh also writes in the majority opinion that they should smile more.)
  • Religious freedom is on a sliding scale. Catholics have the most, and everyone else can suck a lemon.

Every fetus has a God-given right to open carry, and if necessary shoot their mother if they feel endangered.

  • Throwback Thursday is now every day! Guess who is only worth 3/5ths of a person?
  • Flag burning is now a hate crime against Tucker Carlson.
  • Jews are officially designated as “proto-Christians.”
  • Healthcare is not a right guaranteed under the US Constitution. However, FOX News is.
  • That rule about Supreme Court Justices needing to wear anything under those robes? Gone.

Vaginas are classified as a Schedule I substance under the Controlled Substance Act of 1970.

  • Gay marriage? C’mon, the Constitution specifically says it was Adam and Eve and not Adam and human rights.

Of course, this list is only the most banger of future SCOTUS decisions.

Perhaps you have a prediction or two somewhere in your dystopian future back pocket? Feel free to add to the list in the comments!

In related news, Senator Ted Cruz chokes on his own slime.

Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...