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It’s Monday afternoon and my girlfriend has the day off as do I. You may think we’d be out checking out the Boston Marathon, but you’d be sooooo wrong. I’m not against attending sporting events. Even though a ticket to Fenway is expensive and the beers aren’t cheap, well, at least you can drink and restrooms are at the ready.

I decided to shop for that washing machine I’ve been meaning to buy.

I swear to my fictitious God, buying the washer is a hard fiscal punch to my penis. Give me a few months to walk that off, coach.

Enjoy today’s 3!

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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...