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Christmas is coming soon and it wouldn’t be the most wonderful time of the year if we didn’t need to figure out what to give the religious zealots who are near and dear to our hearts. Many of us who don’t believe government should be subservient to religious fanaticism may be tempted to give gifts that may help change the hearts and minds of family members who are dreaming of a Trump/Kanye West ticket for President in 2024.

Here are five gifts that range from potentially helpful to passive-aggressively liberal to giftly(?) items that may get you thrown out of the family!

Sometimes it’s helpful to give a gift that nudges someone towards a more rational mindset. Maybe this science calendar will make the recipient think more about facts than talking snakes.

Cats need to know about Satanism, abstinence, what drugs to take, and guns. Maybe your rightwing Uncle Richie will get a few laughs while getting his belief system not-so-subtly challenged.

Say you have an uncle, aunt, or another family member who watches too much FOX News but isn’t completely brainwashed. American Crusade could be the book that helps them realize religious liberty is not synonymous with Christian supremacy!

What says, “I like beer and I’m blowing off church” better than this fun and foamy design!

You really want to say Your toxic faith-based belief system is despicable! But you’re afraid of never being invited to a family dinner. Why not gift an otherwise empty box that you farted in, like, a million times? It’s inexpensive, smelly, and ingenious.

In related news, Elon Musk tells Twitter staff some will need to be sacrificed to the space god Yog-Sothoth.


Every shekel counts: Here’s my Patreon page. Or you could always buy me a coffee.

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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...