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The  African American Museum (AAM) in Washington DC disappeared in the night. The 400,000 square foot building that houses 36,000 artifacts is gone, and many initially feared for the worse.

“There was always some controversy about the AAM,” stated Police Commissioner Andrew Canard. “When people first learned about it, a lot of users on Twitter were angry because White America didn’t have a museum.”

After a close inspection of the gaping hole in the ground, authorities discovered a note. Experts in handwriting analysis confirm the note was penned by the African American Museum.

Dear Friends,

It is with a heavy heart that I’m writing you this goodbye letter. When I was being built I had nothing but high expectations and was full of hope regarding my place in America the Beautiful. While my brother and sister museums serve to educate the public on topics like air and space travel or natural history, my role would be to bring us all together in a big hug of understanding and compassion. The story I tell can be a difficult one but not without hope for the future.

And then, well, the bottom fell out of the tub.

Day after day I was the one getting an education. I never had the opportunity of any parent sitting me down and saying, “Son, this is how you act around the police so you don’t get shot in the back.” African American kids get that talk at an early age. Seeing that I’m an inanimate building, that never happened. Instead, I saw black men getting shot in their cars, in the street, and consistently in the back.

I may be young. However, I am no fool.

It was tough getting a passport. Every once in a while someone would ask me why I needed one.  Two words would silence them: President Trump.

A few days ago, my passport to freedom came in the mail.

I didn’t want to raise any suspicions so I, the proud African American Museum, took a party bus to Montreal with a bunch of young adults. It was humiliating because a lot of Chads and Britneys felt the need to tell me how racism was no longer a “thing.” I had to put in my earbuds and crank the music to 11 when they started talking white genocide.

Screw you, America.

I’m outta here.

Sincerely yours,

African American Museum.

The Trump administration released a statement saying the President will sign The Fugitive Museum Act executive order later today.

Canada officially welcomed the AAM. The museum is now a political refugee and may enjoy all the free healthcare it will ever need.

In related news, Crazy. Stupid. Racism. A true story.


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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...