WASHINGTON DC – In a desperate move to ensure all eligible Americans get their coronavirus vaccinations, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) is vowing to revoke all previous immunizations from anti-vaxxers. If the CDC gets their way millions of conspiracy theorists who believe Bill Gates wants to microchip them through the Covid-19 vaccine will no longer be immunized against polio, whooping cough, Diptheria, measles, and other childhood illnesses.
“Yes, this is how immunizations work,” explained Professor Andrew Canard of Miskatonic University School of Medicine. “If you act like a turd we can take away all the vaccinations you had when you were a kid. And guess what? If you have that stupid anti-vaxxer My body my choice circle around your Facebook profile picture, then we’re going to shoot you full of chickenpox, too.”
In a snap poll, 85% of Americans said they were 105% sure that is how medicine works.
Republican politicians are expressing rage at the federal government, common sense, and common decency. Some GOP senators are taking a stand against “CDC Science Nazis” by declaring April Homeopathy and Jesus Astrology Month. Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene went on FOX News and proudly said she returned her vaccinations to the CDC a long time ago.
The American Medical Association (AMA) sent out a press release responding to these odd events. Many experts were surprised that the AMA didn’t give a scientific analysis on how it’s impossible to revoke vaccinations. Instead, the august institution simply drew a stick figure blowing its own head off with a rather large goose.
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