Cambridge, Ma – Scientists from the Theological Institute of Technology (TIT) and the CEO of 23 and You met with a small group of reporters to announce customers can now check for genetic markers for religious fanaticism in the privacy of their home.
”Jihadists and Evangelicals will always be with us,” said CEO of 23 and You Andrew Canard. “However, with the scientific miracle of at-home genetic testing you can find out if you carry that trait.”
The ramifications of this new technology are far reaching. Those interested in getting married may request their partners to be genetically tested for Southern Baptist. After all, even if the religious fanatic gene isn’t expressed in an individua,l he or she may still be a carrier. Secular parents may want to know if Baby Billy will be free of Grandfather’s tendency to talk in tongues. Moderately religious parents may want to be extra aware of the warning signs their child could be the next Mike Pence.
Religious leaders are mostly condemning 23 and You as well as the scientific team at TIT. Bishop Coughlin of Boston believes modern science shouldn’t encroach on faith and faith-based psychosis. “Whatever happened to I was born this way? People need to understand God wants a certain portion of the population to be fervently faithful.”
Regardless of what religious leaders say there is research suggesting there is a large domestic and international market for genetically testing for religious fanaticism. Anonymous sources within the government of Saudi Arabia report that government is hoping to test their entire population. The aim is to selectively breed those people who have the genetic characteristic to kill, kill, kill in the name of Allah. Atheist Iceland is an outlier. They want nothing to do with the technology. Iceland’s combination of a high standard of living, good education, and a kick-butt football team is working out fine for them, thank you very much.
Consumers in the US can buy their 23 and You Religious Fanatic kit here!