Friends report Mr. Longstreet woke up on early last Sunday morning to find that the elderly Mr. Banjo had died in his sleep. A private ceremony was quickly conducted, and the large fluffy feline was laid to rest in the back yard. Those in attendance were Mr. Longstreet, Mr. Banjo’s pet cat, Ms. McFluffypants, and that albino squirrel who lives in the Japanese Maple Tree.
Mr. Longstreet took a long walk after the burial to reflect on life. He hadn’t done so before. Most of his time was spent on Facebook and Twitter quoting Richard Dawkins and trolling Christians. Sure, he could quote The Selfish Gene and The God Delusion by chapter and verse, but that didn’t fill the hole now in his heart.
He passed by a church and heard singing. Perhaps he didn’t have a kitty sized hole in his heart. Perhaps he had a God sized hole in his soul?
Mr. Longstreet’s parents raised their son on a steady diet of The Communist Manifesto, the PBS show NOVA, and v-neck t-shirts. It was as if they wanted to keep their boy nose-blind to Jesus.
When he walked into the house of God William knew in his heart that Jesus loves kitties and heaven is full of good cats. Maybe not the ones who put their butts on faces at 6 am.
He opened a hymnal and sang that beautiful song of peace and harmony Onward Christian Soldiers.
He didn’t pay attention to the sermon too much. After looking around at others, he realized no else did. Still, he was able to discern what he needed to do to see his dear feline friend again. It was a simple matter of loving Jesus, obeying the Bible, and voting whichever way the pastor-man wants him to.
If it was a question of secular bathrooms for transsexuals or an eternity with that frisky cat, his choice was clear.
Faith-based psychologist Andrew Canard has seen this all before. Here’s what he had to say:
Most atheists are from middle to high-income backgrounds and have had little exposure to real life. Real life is harsh and seemingly arbitrary. Floods. Earthquakes. Acts of God. That’s why most atheists find God when something bad happens to them. It’s great to know that God has everything under control.
Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017
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