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Atheists, take this simple quiz of 20 questions and find out how bad a person you are.

Good luck.

  1. Have you ever respectfully closed your eyes while someone at the dinner table said grace before the meal?
  2. Did you ever say, “I don’t know what you mean by that,” when a Christian said, “You may not believe in God, but God believes in you”?
  3. Have you chosen to join a prayer circle because you’re the only white guy at the party, and if you didn’t people would think you’re racist even though everyone knows you’re an atheist?
  4. When your friend from high school turns up in your Facebook feed trying to sell Jesus scented candles, did you politely ask them not to spam you?
  5. Have you said “Happy Holidays” during any holiday season?
  6. Have you said “Merry Christmas” during any holiday season?
  7. Beer. Ever had it?
  8. Sex. Does it make you reflect what a dirty, fallen being?
  9. That time when Uncle Jimmy told you “Evolution is just a theory” did you politely correct him?
  10. Did you ever bite the bullet and go to church because Nana wanted you to go with her?
  11. Three pints in on a Saturday night and your buddy you haven’t seen in years talks about Jesus parting the Red Sea. Do you correct them?
  12. Have you ever pointed out that science isn’t a collection of facts as much as a reliable process of understanding the world?
  13. Pointing out logical fallacies, ever done it?
  14. You’re at a social gathering and a conservative rabbi proudly states he’s going to financially cut off his child in college if she gets a tatto0. Do you throw down?
  15. That person you just started dating tells you they’re in a cult right after you had sex. Do you say “Wow”?
  16. Has the statement “Correlation doesn’t equal causation” ever escaped your lips?
  17. Have you read a holy book cover to cover?
  18. At any time in your life, did you ever drink water (mineral, bottled, tap)?
  19. Did you ever watch anything on television?
  20. Quizzes, ever taken one?

Answer key: Regardless of your answers there will be gaggles of Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, and maybe Zoroastrians who don’t like you and think you’re a crummy person.

Don’t worry. Being an atheist doesn’t give you any crumbly characteristics.


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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...

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