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Atheists are ruining everything big time!
Atheists are ruining everything.

A new study released by the Theological Institute of Technology (T.I.T.) states what many Christians have long known — atheists are ruining everything. This is the follow-up to the groundbreaking study that shows atheists do not exist.

This new research expands on what the Christly mayor of San Antonio Texas, Ivy Taylor stated on live TV that being an atheist causes poverty. 

Since you’re with the Christian Coalition, I’ll go ahead and put it out there that to me, it’s broken people. People not being in a relationship with their creator and therefore not being in a good relationship with their families and their communities and not being productive members of society.

Lead author on the paper Atheists are Ruining Everything Professor Andrew Canard argues Ms. Taylor’s analysis concerning atheism causing poverty is just the tip of the iceberg. Willfully denying the existence of God in a world where proof is abundant and self-evident not only plunges the individual in poverty but also creates a host of unforeseen problems for everyone.

  1. Atheists create unnecessary expenditures for local governments due to funding libraries. Many cities simply don’t have the revenue to pay for large, expensive buildings dedicated to reading non-Bible books. Atheists are Ruining Everything proposes that churches are the best environments for the masses to read the only book necessary, the Bible.
  2. Chruch-State separation keeps Jesus from giving out hugs. Your child naturally wants Jesus to give him or her a warm hug whenever and wherever possible. Fear mongering atheists put up a wall between Jesus and students when they put up the wall between church and state in your child’s school.   
  3. Godlessness leads to unproductive and unnecessary thoughts. When an individual utilizes critical thinking to conclude that a snake never talked or the world can’t be 6,000 years old, then they may just use critical thinking to vote out demagogues who use religion to further her own political career.

The conclusion to the academic paper states the only way to prevent an atheist caused societal collapse is to attend the right church on Sundays and pray to never think about the scriptures too much.



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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...