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The Australian government condemned a hardened criminal to death by the American healthcare system. The plan is that he will be flown to the United States where he will spend the rest of his days knowing he will eventually die penniless and buried in medical bills.

Andrew Canard may be only 26 years old, but he’s committed a list of crimes so heinous it made a country that doesn’t have the death penalty change its mind. Court records state that while Mr. Canard did no physical harm to anyone, he insisted on telling everyone he met how Australia needs to be more like America by giving everyone guns, making religious doctrine laws, and making former President Donald J. Trump the national symbol.

Australia is committing a crime against humanity by sending Mr. Canard to America.

United Nations  Secretary-General Antonio Guterres

Many see the punishment far worse than the crime. Mr. Canard will be at the mercy of a for-profit healthcare system designed to squeeze every last cent from subscribers. “Two-thirds of bankruptcies in America are caused by healthcare costs. You’d think ObamaCare would’ve helped, but that’s not the case,” said Professor Mick Dundee of Sydney’s Crocodile University.

Mr. Canard is allowed to try and find the money for his eventual sky-high medical bill by turning to GoFundMe, the site where desperate people can raise money to pay necessary expenses. “One-third of GoFundMe campaigns are to pay for medical bills. Cancer patients typically get 19% of what they’re asking for on GoFundMe,” said Professor Dundee.

The condemned will be fitted with an ankle bracelet. Australian law enforcement will be monitoring the criminal in case he makes a run for Canada.

In related news, Texas schools cancel the pronoun ‘they.’

This satirical story was inspired by a conversation I had on Facebook with a friend of mine who lives in Australia. He noticed a meme I shared about how inexpensive the Australian healthcare system can be and had a personal story to share. I asked him if I could share it, and he said yes.

Here it is.

Hi Andrew, hope you’re well. Just saw that post on Aussie health care. Not only is this true, but here’s the kicker: Had a heart attack in 2021 (bloody genes), got 5 bypass surgery in a public hospital a week later. The costs for being in hospital for 2 weeks? My wife paid $2 for parking each time she visited (discounted from $5 because I was a patient). No kidding, didn’t pay a single buck for anything.

For reals.

Thanks for reading.

Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...