Atheism is the answer
Washington DC – The Secretary of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) Ben Carson confirmed rumors President Trump calls him the N-word. The retired neurosurgeon who has served in the Trump administration since 2017 stated the commander-in-chief never calls him the racial slur in public, and it’s pretty cool to work in an environment where the boss speaks his mind freely.
“President Trump is a bold leader,” Secretary Carson stated. “He didn’t wait for me to say something like, ‘Mr. President, please consider me your personal N-word.’ The forty-fifth President of the United States just started calling me it one day.”
Anonymous sources within the White House slowly leaked the story over the past few years. While the press could be blamed for not reporting it earlier, many believe the constant flow of lies, scandals, and racist dog whistles from President Trump kept them busy.
Professor Andrew Canard teaches Trumpian Psychological Disorders at Miskatonic University. He believes religious fervor blinds many fans of Trump to the extent they rationalize all sorts of his horrendous behaviors.
Am I surprised he calls a retired neurosurgeon to his face the N-word? No. My research shows conclusively there is a positive correlation between a person’s religiosity and how much abuse they’re willing to put up with from their cult leader. Have you seen the Republican convention? It was a cult meeting.
– Professor Andrew Canard
Experts believe it’s highly unlikely Trump will call anyone that name in public. However, it’s probable he will make some sort of public comment regarding the controversy by saying something like, “Look there were many good slave owners as well as fantastic Nazis.”
In related news, the administration warns of mail-order abortions.