Ben Stiller looks ill while sitting next to comedian Pete Davidson.
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Actor, comedian, and filmmaker Ben Stiller may never be the same after sitting right next to comedian and Saturday Night Live alumni Pete Davidson at a recent Knicks game. Sources close to the 56-year-old Stiller say he’s signed up for extensive psychotherapy to deal with the trauma.

It’s hard to sit next to Pete when he’s “not dating” a new and totally hot woman. It’s tough for me, and I’m married to Scarlet Johannson.

Saturday Night Live Star Colin Jost

“I thought I had it all together,” Stiller reportedly told a friend, “but despite all my success sitting next to Pete Davidson is making me question things. Sure, I’m funny, but was I ever funny and quirky enough to date Kim Kardashian, breakup, and then snoggle with someone like Emily Ratajkowski?”

Despite a lot of people telling him “He still has it” and how toxic it is to compare yourself with someone like Pete Davidson, Stiller just isn’t buying it. His self-doubt is getting so bad his children are making him recite his list of accomplishments several times a day. Even after reciting his accolades like winning the Directors Guild of America Award for Outstanding Directorial Achievement in Movies for Television and Limited Series, and setting the world’s record for the longest selfie stick back in 2016, Stiller is glum.

“Having the longest selfie stick was his greatest accomplishment,” an anonymous associate said. “I mean, when your name is in the Guinness Book of World Records, that’s an ego boost.”

This is not the first time Pete Davidson crushed the ego of a man who just happened to be sitting next to him. In fact, the American Psychological Association (APA) is announcing a new condition called Pete Davidson Mood Dysregulation Disorder Syndrome. Teams of psychologists, psychiatrists, and psychopharmacologists are working around the clock to discover the best way to treat the malady.

Meanwhile, millions of Americans are sending thoughts and prayers to Ben Stiller.

In related news, Elon Musk is invading Russia in the winter.


Just in case you’re saying to yourself I want to look back on Pete Davidson’s stint at SNL.

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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...