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Secretary DeVos pushes wants you to have the perfect tan.

Washington DC – Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos is no stranger to controversy. Whether she is woefully incapable of answering basic questions about educating America’s youth, diverting millions of public dollars to private schools, or being ambushed by school children, she always seems to be in the trouble bubble. However, her most recent move has her in the crosshairs of many voters.

Secretary DeVos’ half-hour infomercial for Trump Build-A-Tan Gradual Sunless Tanning Lotion originally got five-star reviews from marketers. Her ability to tout the benefits of the product seemed genuine.

Trump Build-A-Tan Gradual Sunless Tanning Lotion creates a deep, healthy-looking glow! You can customize the color allowing you to control how savage a tan you want. Just apply the fast-drying lotion and within twenty minutes your skin will be the envy of all your friends and relatives!  

– Secretary DeVos

The initial online reviews by consumers were also positive. However, as anyone who has spent any time on the Internet will tell you, many of those reviews are fake and paid for by the company selling the product. Within a few days, the reviews went from glowing to downright dark.

  • Why does the lotion feel like sandpaper? Also, I was looking at the ingredients and why are “children’s tears” in there? – Maggie Grant
  • It smells like sweaty socks and impeachment. Disgusting! – Sergi Martinez
  • This is not quick drying. The lotion leaves a sticky tacky feeling and now I want to make Ghislaine Maxwell’s murder look like a suicide. – Tess Erin

Many insiders believe DeVos’s recent infomercial is a deliberate ploy by the White House to distract voters from its push to open schools in the fall regardless of how many lunch ladies, janitors, teachers, principals, and bus drivers die.

The White House hasn’t responded to the rumors. Anonymous sources within the administration state Trump is deciding what distraction to use next to distract people from the current distraction.

In recent news, Iceland declares all religions to be a form of mental disorder.

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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...