Betsy DeVos’ underwater yacht returned to a safe harbor this morning after a grueling 3-month MAGA mission.
“It’s been a tough 3 months. I’m happy to say we’ve been able to sink 6 Allied merchant vessels as well as 2 cruise ships,” U-boat captain and US Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos said. “Me and my crew is making America great again!”
Some in the Trump administration questioned the wisdom of Captain DeVos going to sea with a crew entirely made up of 10-year-olds from the Cayman Islands. However, President Trump always had faith in his underling. “Americans won’t work as hard as 10-year-olds from the Cayman Islands. AND we barely have to pay them!” one White House source divulged.
What is the secret to Betsy DeVos’ success on the high seas?
Tax cuts and unregulated private schools.
The U-boat captain utilized untraditional tactics to lure in unsuspecting ships. Via a loudspeaker, Captain DeVos told enemy captains and crew the root of all of their misfortunes was due to teacher unions and paying taxes for unneeded public services like fire departments. Once the idiots were in range, she fired torpedoes and submerged her submarine.
Such tactics have devastating effects in a world raised on InfoWars.
The Allies are taking countermeasures. Each and every one of their ships will have one consultant from Sweden onboard. That person’s only job will be to tell the captain and crew about Sweden and how right-wing propaganda will kill them all. Allied High Command expects no one will be stupid enough to get close to Captain DeVos and her U-boat The MAGA.
Admiral Andrew Canard is overall commander of Allied naval forces. He has this to say,”We fought fascists in U-boats before and won. We’ll do it again.”
Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017 Andrew is reading through the Bible and making videos about his journey on YouTube. He is a talented stand-up comedian. You can find him on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.