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Are you a modern on-the-go Christian who worries they don’t have enough time for Jesus? Then Bible Yum!™ is for you!

You consume the flesh and blood of Jesus, it’s time you devour the Word of God

Creator of Bible Yum! Andrew Canard

Amp up your Jesus game and buy Bible Yum! today!

Your godly coworkers will be green with devilish envy when they see you say your prayers AND THEN CONSUME A CAPSULE FILLED WITH SHREDDED ANCIENT BIBLICAL TEXTS.

When that big promotion comes your way you can thank hard work, Jesus, and Bible Yum!.

The Wisdom of Solomon in a Dispenser!

Each day of the week has its own tray, and each day is divided into four holy sections. This heavenly design allows you to jam in three capsules in each section. Why, that’s 12 verses a day! Gosh, that’s one verse for each disciple!

The Bible PRO of Yesteryear

Bible Yum! is the industry leader in edible Bible verses. Since 1923 Bible YUM has produced the highest quality cherry-picked parts of the good book for consumption. Starting with a revolutionary design using the finest mercury-infused paper, the founder of Bible Yum! Andrew Canard saved millions of souls during the Roaring 20s:

The stock market is going up and so is sin! You can’t drive your brand new Model-T into heaven. Chomp on my capsules full of angel tonic and biblical wisdom to be saved for all eternity!

Andrew Canard

The Bible YUM! of Today

After poisoning untold millions with his revolutionary mercury-infused paper, Andrew Canard mysteriously died from mercury poisoning. Andrew Canard Jr took up the family business and proceeded to make a less toxic product. Thanks to Republicans and deregulation Bible YUM! is back to save your soul and your family’s.

BUY NOW BEFORE THE RAPTURE

Time is short. Who knows how short? Jesus won’t care if you tell him you have this incredible product ordered. He wants you to have it RIGHT NOW or you will just have to stay on Earth during the Tribulation.


In related news, a Florida man marries the Bible.

Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...