London, England – Charles, Queen Elizabeth’s expected heir to the throne, will never be King of the United Kingdom. In an unexpected turn, Parliament voted unanimously to choose a commoner to hold the office.
Queen Elizabeth II died at Balmore Castle in Scotland on Thursday. She was 96 years old and was queen for 70 years.
While Queen Elizabeth was popular with everyday people, her son Charles is not. That unpopularity added to the various royal scandals led Parliament to alter the nature of the monarchy.
Andrew Canard represents Sandford, Gloucestershire in Parliament. He’s served his community for twenty years and drafted the law that changes the monarchy forever. “There are a lot of people who love the institution, but don’t really care a snot about Charles,” he said. “After some reflection, it occurred to me that the problem with our modern-day monarchs is that it’s hereditary and flies in the face of our society that’s supposedly a meritocracy.”
Canard knew his insight was revolutionary and would be initially met with strong resistance. After all, the British people are inundated at birth with pro-monarchy propaganda. “It’s a bit like religion, isn’t it?” Canard quipped while drinking tea and enjoying some shortbread. “No sane person would believe in it if they weren’t indoctrinated at an early age.”
The royal family undermined themselves over the years. The way how they treated Princess Diana bothered many. Prince Andrew’s shady dealings with Jeffery Epstein didn’t help. And, of course, the public row between Harry and Meghan and the rest of the family revealed the underbelly of living as a royal.
It was only a matter of time before Parliament stepped in.
With the passing of the Charles will Never be King Law a new king or queen will be chosen after the 10 day mourning period for Queen Elizabeth is finished. Using the reality show Big Brother as a template, sixteen contestants will live in a house cut off from the rest of the world. They will compete in challenges. The public will vote one of them out each week until only one person remains. The last one standing will be the new monarch.
There are other changes to the monarchy. It was obvious to everyone that having an extended and inbred royal family associated with the ruler was unnecessary. Ergo, the new king or queen will be single. And, yes, that does provide a potential for another blockbuster reality show titled The Royal Bachelor or The Royal Bachlorette.
Finally, the new law limits the term of a king or queen for ten years. After that they will step aside and allow someone new to fill the office. “It just doesn’t make sense to have a lifetime king or queen. A bad apple may muck about and mess up the place,” Canard reflected.