White House – As per his deal with President Trump, Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh will soon fight a kangaroo. The fight is to occur in the basement in the White House where President Trump has all of his staff, secretaries of various federal agencies, and Supreme Court picks fight animals. “Attorney General Jeff Sessions had to fight a giraffe. We had to do major construction on the White House to make that happen,” stated President Trump’s Fight Club Coordinator Andrew Canard.
It’s important to note just getting nominated for a post means the candidate needs to fight. Even if Brett Kavanaugh didn’t become a *Supreme Court Justice, he would’ve had to do battle. Those close to Brett report he’s been laying off the “skis” (i.e., brewskies) in preparation. Kavanaugh’s training focused on whining, being emotional, and writing a second letter to the Wall Street Journal apologizing for his behavior while being questioned by senators.
Joanne “The Hammer” Roo is the current female middleweight kangaroo mixed martial arts champion. She’s skilled in Thai kickboxing, karate chopping opponents with her arms, and has a number of tricks not up her sleeve but in her pouch. Joanne’s trainer reports The Hammer is ready to kick Brett Kavanaugh and his white privilege into the ground. “It’s public knowledge The Hammer was sexually harassed growing up, and her people were in Australia way before white settlers arrived,” he said.”This is personal. This is payback.”
Those close to President Trump report the commander-in-chief is giddy with excitement. When Neil Gorsuch became a Supreme Court Justice, he knocked out a llama within a minute, and that was a let down. Brett Kavanaugh fighting an angry kangaroo may be like that time Kellyanne Conway took on a crocodile.
*At the time of writing the final vote hasn’t yet happened. But we all know misogyny will win the day. Don’t we?
Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017 Andrew is reading through the Bible and making videos about his journey on YouTube. He is a talented stand-up comedian. You can find him on Twitter, Instagram, and Faceb