This British shorthair cat plans destruction.
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Oskar is an older British shorthair cat. He is 10 years old, and his kitten days are far behind him. His days are spent enjoying the fruits of his labor from his younger days. He loves his scratching post and how he worked hard shredding that leather sofa to earn it. Oskar is at a point in life where he doesn’t even need to use the scratching post too much. He takes comfort that it’s simply there and it’s his.

Though Oskar’s wilder days are behind him, one thing draws out his inner kitten — destroying Christmas trees.

He knows he’s not alone in his passion. His feline friends and family members spend hours watching YouTube videos of Christmas trees meeting their maker at the paws of so-called domesticated cats. “You can take the cat out of the wild, but you can’t take the wild out of the cat,” is Oskar’s Golden Rule.

There is ample evidence the Christmas tree will soon be arriving. His two-legged servants are as constant as the Northern Star. First, they devour a rather large bird. (They are simple creatures. Those that clean his poo never kill the rather large bird.) It’s only a matter of time before that magnificent tree enters the living room.

Years ago Oskar immediately launched himself at the unsuspecting evergreen. Now, he takes his time and plots. Will he attempt to scale the magnificent tree? Probably not. The last time he tried that he ended up in a compromising position. Perhaps systematically destroying ornaments is the way to go this year. Yes, that’s it. The glittery objects that mock him so will be the first to go, and then the tree itself will meet its final destiny.

Oskar reflects on his most excellent plan and then closes his eyes to dream of Christmas trees past.

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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...