Canada is officially asking Great Britain to launch a nuclear attack against the United States of America in case of a military invasion a leaked top-secret document shows.
Wikileaks revealed the one-page letter early this morning. It reveals the Canadian government’s concern that religious extremism will not stop at the border.
The paper points out the grim reality that nations without nuclear weapons are typically helpless against aggressors who have them. Without a nuclear-armed ally who is willing to protect Canada, it seems likely the northern neighbor of the US is easy prey.
The government in Quebec boldly announced that it asked France to protect it in case “shit goes down.” The French government has not yet responded.
Sources say if the British and French refuse to protect Canada, then the nation may seek out an ally like China.
“Hey, judge us if you want, but we don’t want to become North Arkansas,” one prominent Canadian lawmaker said.
Citizens of the United States may not realize Great Britain and France have their own nuclear detterent. France bosts 290 and Britain has 225 nuclear weapons. Even though they are small in comparison to the US’s 2,361 active weapons, Great Britain and France have more than enough to cause Christo-fascists in the States to think twice.
Religious extremists in the US are trying to reassure the world they have no plans to take over the whole North American continent. “What, you think we’re going to Monroe Doctrine the entire hemisphere? That’s just crazy talk,” Republican candidate for senate JD Vance said.
Everyday Canadians seem to support the move by their government to seek assistance from Great Britain and France. In a snap poll, 88% said they would rather die than give up their healthcare system and Tim Hortons.
In related news, Bill O’Reilly is going back to school to learn some manners.