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William and Stephanie King are newlyweds and they are wearing ankle monitors for Christ. In fact, the two wore their Ankle Trackers when they walked down the aisle to get married.

The Book of Ephesians says we are slaves to Christ. These ankle monitors remind us of that.

William King

At first, both sets of parents were concerned that their kids were not only crazy in love but just plain crazy. “They sat us all down and explained their desire to dedicate their marriage to Jesus with ankle monitors,” the father of the bride said. “I told them Jesus doesn’t need GPS technology to know what’s in your heart.”

Regardless of what their friends, family, and even their minister said, the two made it public on social media and they got all sorts of support — some of it financial. Although Stephanie and William won’t divulge how much money they received from well-wishers, there are rumors that the wedding and honeymoon were 100% fan-funded.

“Colossians 3:24 says, ‘knowing that it is from the Lord that you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve,'” Stephanie said. “Just imagine the rewards in heaven we’re going to be getting!”

Both husband and wife report the ankle monitors give them opportunities to preach to total strangers. When people notice the device, the couple feels it’s Jesus telling them to go tell their story. However, after several complaints from other customers at their local Starbucks, the two stopped evangelizing while they were waiting for their lattes. “Bless their hearts, they’re all going to Hell,” Stephanie tweeted.

In related news, a Mississippi school plans to use biblical paddlers to discipline unruly students.

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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...