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Christian influencer Emma Antebellum proudly announced on TikTok that she recently got breast implants that are filled with holy water.

My breasts are filled with the Holy Spirit.

Emma antebellum

The breast implant controversy

Breast implants consist of a silicone shell that holds either a silicone jell or saline water. Both are considered safe even though the shell may rupture over time. However, there are growing voices on the possible deleterious health effects they may pose to women.

YouTube video

Emma told her fans she was inspired to get breast implants while reading 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

“Honoring Jesus with my body means to me going from a B-cup to a D-cup,” she said. “And you know what? Just as Jesus bought my soul my super fans purchased these implants. I am so blessed.”

The influencer made it clear that while her supporters financed her transformation and may expect a private viewing of the implants, the only man that will see them before her wedding night will be Jesus.

Pope Francis supports Tinder and holy water breast implants

In recent days the leader of the one true Catholic Church, Pope Francis, endorsed holy water breast implants as well as the dating app Tinder.

The Pope made the comments while answering questions from a group of young adults. They asked him about romantic relations, abortion, and other sensitive subjects.

To express oneself sexually is something rich. Anything that diminishes a true sexual expression diminishes you as well, it renders you partial, and it diminishes that richness. Sex has a dynamic of its own. It exists for a reason. It’s an expression of love.

Pope Francis

A young woman asked him what he thought of Emma Antebellum’s holy water breast implants. The Pope paused and smiled. “As long as the Lord doesn’t turn the holy water into wine I think she’ll be all right,” he said.

Scientists urge caution

Some scientists are concerned that holy water may not be the best choice for breast augmentation. A study from 2013 tested holy water in Austria and found none of it was safe to drink. 86% of the holy water used in baptisms and to wet believers’ lips contained dangerous levels of pathogens that are known to cause “diarrhea, cramping, abdominal pain, and fever.”

Medical professionals are currently working with religious leaders on the proper way to prepare the liquid for implants. Catholic scholars state that the blessed water is still holy even if it becomes frozen. It stands to reason that if doctors remove pollutants and pathogens from the holy water, then the miraculous properties will be still present.

Emma is not interested in the faith-based scientific discussion. She feels she is safe in the power of Christ. Not only did the water in Emma’s implants get blessed by a priest, but the water itself also came from the Sea of Galilee. This freshwater lake is where Jesus supposedly walked on water, calmed a storm, fed the masses with a few fish and loaves, and where John the Baptist baptized him.

A vast majority of Emma’s male fans are supporting her decision to “augment for Jesus.” They believe that God moves in mysterious ways and sometimes that means moving implants into breasts. The financial support she is receiving from them is rising considerably. Female fans are more lukewarm but understand Jesus is a man and men like women that way.

Other Christian influencers are considering undergoing the procedure. They just want to let the public know it isn’t about getting more money. “It’s about getting more money for me and Christ,” one said.

In related news, Iceland places mental health warnings on all Bibles.

Note: I did a quick Googling for Christian breast implants and didn’t find anything. Is it only a matter of time before it’s a thing?

Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...

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