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Bridgewater, MA – In one of the quirkier stories covered in OnlySky’s Church News column, a boy was discovered urinating in the grape juice used at communion. Twelve-year-old Bobby Haskin conjectured it would be the funniest thing in the world to do. After months of doing the prank, he feels he was completely justified, and it ultimately worked out for everyone.

They told me I was going to hell. I peed in their juice.

Bobby Haskin

Bobby is known as a funny, energetic, and smart 7th grader. Many of his teachers keep an eye on the youth knowing if they don’t, then they will fall victim to one of his jokes. Mr. Johnson who teaches Earth Science knows that from experience. One time he wasn’t thinking and left his car unlocked. When he went back to it the vehicle was filled with balloons. “I knew it was Bobby,” Johnson said. “The car smelled like his farts.”

The police report states the house of worship Bobby’s parents drag him to is New Jerusalem Church, and it’s right in the center of town. Bobby does not like that place at all. They don’t like the questions he asks. One time he asked, “How could Adam and Eve populate the whole world without having sex with their own children?” That made a few of the little kids think, and none of the adults present liked that at all.

But how did Bobby’s irresponsible urination get discovered?

Pastor Jim Sheldon got the confession out of Bobby. The man of God suspected something was up when the boy consistently volunteered to get supplies for communion as well as the coffee and donuts for the after church gatherings on Sundays. “It was like he wanted to be caught,” Pastor Sheldon said. “He kept asking parishioners how the juice tasted.” After extensive questioning and a guarantee of clemency, Bobby admitted everything. Within seconds, the police were on the scene and Bobby’s parents notified.

“So much for clemency,” Bobby reportedly sighed.

Mr. and Mrs. Haskin agreed that perhaps the church is not the best environment for their boy at this time. While Bobby agreed to do a lot of community service to pay for his crimes, all in all, he thinks everything worked out for the best.

In related news, Dr. Oz has new career opportunities.


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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...