Colin Kaepernick, the man known for being the quarterback who took a knee during the national anthem to protest racial injustice, is currently in the hospital. Sources state he experienced an erection for more than four hours after hearing Donald Trump became the third President to be impeached.
Mr. Kaepernick and Trump have a contentious history. While the controversy in the NFL raged concerning Mr. Kaepernick’s civil liberties, President Trump publicly stated those players who are protesting should be fired. Mr. Kaepernick was let go from his team and was blacklisted.
Friends report it came as no surprise that Colin was happy with Trump getting impeached.
Impeachment Erections
Dr. Andrew Canard is an expert in schadenfreude boners. “I expected to see a wave of out of control erections resulting from the House of Representatives voting on impeachment. Mr. Kaepernick just happens to be a high profile case.”
Dr. Canard predicts when the Senate finds Trump innocent there will be a wave of conservatives suffering from out of control boners.
Unfortunately, most health providers are not prepared for the epidemic. Treatment for the condition includes not being exposed to politics in any way for 24 hours. “That means patients can’t log on Facebook for a solid day,” Dr. Canard quipped.
Currently, only two hospitals in the US have wings dedicated to helping those stricken with impeachment erections. In areas where the climate allows, tent cities are being erected to house the ill.
The effects are being felt around the nation. MSNBC is down for the day because of the out of control rising of phalluses. Universities are being affected, too. Many centers for higher learning are giving students the day off.
FOX News is taking note of what’s going on. Many on their payroll are planning to take the day off once Trump is exonerated.
Analysts believe everything will go back to normal shortly.
In related news, President Trump bans the Christmas classic Feliz Navidad from the White House.
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