Crooked politicians will do many morally ambiguous acts to get cold hard cash. It turns out they will be crazy things to keep that ill-gotten money, too. In this particular case, a politician was busted with underwear full of funds.
SAO PAULO (AP) — A Brazilian lawmaker stepped down from his position representing President Jair Bolsonaro’s government and was suspended from the senate, after police searched his house and found cash inside the underwear he was wearing.
If you’re sick and tired of hearing how dysfunctional politics are in the United States, well, you may feel a bit better after reading about this tale of greed, COVID-19, and stupidity from Brazil.
Federal police targeted Roraima state’s Sen. Chico Rodrigues as part of a probe into the alleged misappropriation of COVID-19 funds, according to the 90-day suspension issued by Luís Roberto Barroso, a justice on Brazil’s Supreme Court.
Police initially found 10,000 reais ($1,780) and $6,000 inside a safe in Rodrigues’ house Wednesday, at which point the lawmaker asked if he could go to the bathroom, according to the police report, part of which is included in Barroso’s ruling. As Rodrigues walked away, a police officer noticed a large, rectangular bulge under the senator’s shorts.
A large rectangular bulge?
I attended the Ig Nobels last year. During one of the presentations, I found out wombats create square-shaped poops. What wombats don’t have are square-shaped butts. To my knowledge, no animal has a square-shaped butt. I don’t know if the police officer knew about wombat poops, but they correctly guessed something was suspicious about a rectangular bulge in Rodrigues’ shorts.
“Found inside his underwear, near his buttocks, were stacks of money that totaled 15,000 reais ($2,675),” the report says. The ruling was reviewed by The Associated Press.
Asked three times whether he had any additional cash stowed, the senator angrily shoved his hand into his underwear to retrieve more stacks of bills, which totaled 17,900 reais ($3,200), according to the report.
That seems a lot to stuff in your tighty whities.
But wait! There’s more.
A subsequent police search turned up another 250 reais ($45) from inside his underwear. There is video of that search, which Barroso wrote in his ruling he was declining to provide to the senate as it was “well within his (Rodrigues’) intimate clothing″ and could cause ″greater discomfort.″
When (and if) Donald Trump leaves the White House once and for all, I think the IRS should do a body cavity search to make sure he’s not stealing anything of value.