Joe Biden at Independence Hall
Reading Time: 2 minutes Photo courtesy of satirical fair use.
Reading Time: 2 minutes

The Country isn’t sure why some people are just so mean to Grandad Joe Biden. When the President wanted to say a few words about how our best friend Democracy is doing, a bunch of people just tossed out some angry word salad from the back of the room and just isn’t nice.

Grandad showed up at Independence Historical Park in Pennsylvania and wanted to have a quick chat. Everyone knew that Democracy was really sick from 2016-2020, and no one knew at the time if she was going to make it. The Country was beginning to think she was A-OK. Grandad wanted to tell us all that although Democracy was feeling better, we couldn’t just assume she would be alright.

[Doctor Andrew Canard is Democracy’s primary care physician. He confirms that his patient is stable, but she’s still battling a deadly illness. “Well, the good news is that she’s able to stand up. In fact, she’s been standing up to Russian President Vladimir Putin for months and that’s a great sign,” he said. “However, Democracy still suffers from roughly 20% of her cells being certifiably bananas.”

Dr. Canard continued and said those malignant cells are threatening the very lifeblood of his patient — free elections. If those cells metastasize and spread, then it’s bad news for anyone who loves freedom, basic healthcare, and women’s rights.

When confronted with the sad fact women’s rights were already curtailed, Dr. Canard admitted he wasn’t a miracle worker and there’s a lot of work left to do.]

While Grandad Biden talked, a group of hecklers tried to cancel him. They were using bullhorns and shouting angry words. They yelled out deeply thought out thinks like “Let’s Go Brandon” and even used the F-word. The Country thought it was awfully odd since Grandad has been so nice to those very same people.

The Country was confused. “I don’t understand how they can be so mean,” he said to a close friend. “Don’t they know Grandad is making the nation better by investing in its infrastructure? Don’t they know the price of some medications is going to go down because of the Inflation Reduction Act?”

“Maybe they’re just dicks,” his friend said.

Though that was a simple answer, it’s highly probable that those people could be sick, too.

In related news, this Mississippi town passes a 30-day waiting period for gay sex.

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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...