Tulsa, Oklahoma – The United States of America is undergoing a transformation. Everyday citizens are in the streets demanding change. Police violence against Black Americans will no longer be tolerated. Statues dedicated to the Confederacy are being town down. In a strange turn of events, a group of angry young Earth creationists destroyed a statue dedicated to noted biologist and defender of evolution Professor Richard Dawkins.
“Many people are surprised there was a statue of Dawkins here in the first place,” noted chief rioter Andy Canard. “Well, there wasn’t. We had to build one.”
The Genesis Of The Riot
Mr. Canard states he looked on with horror how those protesting the death of Black men at the hands of police weren’t showing the proper respect to the United States of America. After all, couldn’t they protest another way without being so controversial? Whatever happened to a good old fashioned letter-writing campaign to the editor of the local newspaper? Or doing nothing? Did anyone think doing nothing was the right thing to do?
“Things were fine,” said the middle-aged white man. “I never had a problem with the cops.”
The straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back was the wanton destruction of statues of God-fearing Americans who stood up and fought the United States of America in the Civil War.
That. Would. Not. Stand.
It was time for Mr. Canard to start his own riot.
A Riot Is Born
The angry crowd was born shortly after the Facebook page “Tear Down Dick Dawkins Statute” launched. The mob looking for payback formed and they scoured the city of Tulsa to find a statue to the author of The God Delusion, The Selfish Gene, and An Appetite for Wonder.
There wasn’t any.
Undeterred, they made a monument. Sure, it took days to build. And the budget went way over the projections. But by the end of construction the rioters had a statue that slightly resembled Professor Dawkins.
“The thing had a head, I think,” noted one confused anonymous vandalizer, “and that was good enough for us.”
Within minutes the statue was destroyed.
There are rumors the group is planning to destroy the city’s Math Statue.
In related news, Mississippi passes an anti-Richard Dawkins law.