Reading Time: 3 minutes

Last month, Disney World attendees witnessed another type of parade of characters up Main St as the first family of Florida, the DeSantis’s, officially moved into their new digs.   Just 48 hours earlier, the newly appointed Governor-backed Reedy Creek Improvement Board took over and declared that the Magic Kingdom was now the Governor’s mansion.  It was the latest salvo in the war for Florida’s top tourist destination after the outgoing Disney board and the woke corporation tried to play fast with the rules.  With DeSantis in the Magic Kingdom 24/7, everything will get his personal oversight.

DeSantis and the Reedy Creek Board vowed to make some serious changes in how the district is operated.  Beyond the proposal for a desperately needed SUPERMAX prison to combat Florida’s recent crime surge, low-income housing to offset the orange state’s rapidly rising housing costs, and FEMA camps for the homeless and indigent, Disney is set to be the second open-carry theme park in the US (after Westworld).  There are more Bible exhibits planned.  He’s even hired Elon Musk to completely remake Future World complete with an unmanned rocket explosion every night to delight the crowds.

While the animosity is intense now, Disney World once held a special place in DeSantis’ life. He and his wife, Casey, married there in 2009.  All three of his kids were conceived in either the myriad of luxury hotels or the monorail system.  When he was commander of GITMO, he even had Disney characters painted on the walls so that the enhanced interrogations were less inhumane.  After Disney criticized his ‘Don’t Say Gay’ bill, it was war.  Conservative Floridians love it, but some think his efforts to curb gay culture missed the target.  Florida resident Ron Frederickson (no relation) offers, “If he really wanted to go after a district for their support of gay rights and drag shows, why not Key West?”

The Disney/Desantis battle has made for some strange bedfellows as conservatives rushed to boycott Disney and Liberals showed support.  Walt Disney, who built the park that opened officially in 1971, was rumored to be a racist, a sexist, and an antisemite.  Cultural anthropologist and historian Greg Hand points out that “It’s just the gay thing.  It’s a lightning rod right now but it will pass.  Like a hurricane that takes out a whole township while Governor DeSantis is on a national book tour”.  

Casey DeSantis is very excited about the change from Tallahassee to a more vibrant theme park.  “When I grew up, I dreamed of being a princess. Mornings, I feel like Snow White who woke to birds and animals singing and dancing.” 

Ron reportedly spends every morning as the first customer on Splash Mountain and reminisces about the bygone days of Florida.  He also walks tall and proudly among all the school children, especially the high school-age girls, and has spearheaded a monorail chaperone service to ensure their safe return to the hotels late at night.

DeSantis’ residence inside Disney World has also been a boon for his national election strategy and a major campaigning opportunity.  While Trump, the GOP front-runner, travels the US to rallies to basically the same people, the voters come to DeSantis.   Every day he’s out there shaking hands with hard-working American voters from all over the country. Recent polls show he’s increased his support among Republican primary voters from 20% to 21%. 

When asked for comment, Trump lashed out at the yet-to-declare but obviously running candidate.   “Typical DeSanctimonious, RINO dweeb small energy wannabee.  Hell, the Magical Kingdom is just a façade…kinda like Ron’s governorship.  That place is a s**thole.   No McDonalds, $15 Bud Lights and Diet Cokes. It’s a two-bit slum. I’m definitely an anti-DeSantite.”

This guest post was written by John Steal. 

Avatar photo

Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...