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It ruins everything.

Orlando, Florida – Walt Disney World is offering guests a one of the kind look into the disease that killed off one-third of Europe during the middle ages, the Bubonic Plague. Guests will now enjoy the Magic Kingdom with historically accurate portrayals of a disease-ridden society that can not deal with a pandemic.

It’s A Small, Infected World After All

Disney opened its doors recently after shuttering them due to COVID-19.

Hollywood Reporter tells the story

After months of being shuttered due to the novel coronavirus pandemic, Walt Disney World began a phased reopening in mid-July with masks being mandatory for guests and staff, and other safety measures in place such as guidelines for social distancing and increased sterilization and cleaning requirements. To be admitted to the park, guests would need to have a reservation and a ticket, as the capacity was capped at a certain number — which wasn’t made public — but assumed to be around 30 percent.

While visitors awed at Cinderella’s Castle many reported the theme park experience seemed inauthentic in a time when the United States is suffering from economic disaster, religious extremism, and plague.

And that’s when Disney World Theme Park Commissioner Andrew Canard had the inspiration of adding aspects of medieval Europe.

“Let’s face it, Europe in the middle ages had economic disasters, religious extremism, and plague,” he noted. “Everything old is new again!”

Black Death Fun!

Mr. Canard quickly reorganized rides, restaurants, and staff to give the theme park an apocalyptic feel many historians say is “horrifying.”

Here are a few new features to Disney World.

  • Bring out your dead! Mickey Mouse is walking around Main Street USA and offering free rides in his wheelbarrow of death. Play dead as Mickey brings you to Boot Hill!
  • The Plague Doctor is in! Want to know what life is like without a scientific understanding of the universe? Go into any of the first aid kiosks and get examined by one of the park’s plague doctors. Beware, you better like leeches!
  • Burn that witch! Fun for the whole family

In related news, this mayor is using cardboard cutouts to hide COVID-19 deaths.

 


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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...