Reading Time: 2 minutes Dolls are not happy to be gender certified.
Reading Time: 2 minutes
Dolls are not happy to be gender certified.
Dolls are not happy to be gender certified.


Oklahoma took a bold step against the gender fluidization of America yesterday when it passed a law mandating every single doll sold in the state to be gender certified. 

Barbie’s Law guarantees each and every action figure, figurine, and model to be thoroughly inspected by a member of the clergy. In a spirit of Christian fellowship and understanding, Baptists are allowing Methodists to join them in the arduous task.

Catholics are not welcome to join in the procedure. Reverend Andrew Canard of the Oklahoma Properly Gendered Doll Task Force (OPGDTF) explained why:

I’m not even going to get into the issue that Catholics aren’t real Christians. ‘Cuz they aren’t. The good Christian parents of Oklahoma do not want the hands of priests on their kids weiners or girly parts or on the dolls’ private sections. Simple as that.

Barbie’s Law demands each and every doll be unpackaged and observed to make sure every Ken has a penis, and every Barbie has two breasts and a sinful nether region. After the inspection, a man of God will handwrite a note to the doll’s future owner stating every Ken identifies himself as a good Christian man and every woman identifies as a Whore of Babylon.

Makers of the children’s toys don’t know what to do. Male dolls traditionally have no genitalia. Female dolls may have one uni-boob, and that’s it. To be in accordance with the new state ordinance, there will have to be drastic changes in how the dolls are made.

“I spoke with the governor and told him our concerns,” stated Mathel CEO Michael Casey. “He informed me that dolls without wee-wees and girl burgers are what confused kids in the first place.”

A recent anonymous poll of parents shows Oklahoma natives are willing to go out of state to get their kids’ normal dolls. Those unwilling to make the drive are prepared to pay top dollar for black market toys smuggled into Oklahoma. 


*This Poe is based on the story Oklahoma House declares abortion murder.


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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...