Former President Donald J. Trump announced at a rally in Latrobe, Pennsylvania that not only is he running for a second term in 2024, but his running mate is none other than former President Donald J. Trump.
Trump explained to the MAGA crowd that former Vice President Mike Pence “stabbed him in the back” when he certified the “fake electoral votes” from the 2020 election. He continued to say that the reason why the United States never had one person serving as President and Vice President at the same time is that no one had ever thought of the genius idea before.
Other Republican hopefuls are now scrambling to decide whether or not they are also going to be their own Vice President. Florida Governor Ron DeSantis went on the record and stated he’s running for President, Vice President, as well as a Supreme Court Justice. Mike Pence hasn’t released his position yet. Those close to him believe he may court evangelicals by being the Vice President under a Jesus is LORD administration.
Professor Andrew Canard studies Republican psychosis at the Theological Institute of Theology (TIT). His books include Christofascism and Republicans Are Just National Socialists With Bad Fashion Sense. He thinks that Trump can’t legally run for both offices, but that will not stop him from trying and possibly succeeding. “Who’s going to stop him? The conservative Supreme Court?”
Russian President Vladimir Putin is applauding the gutsy move by his American
minion ally. Anonymous sources in the Kremlin leaked a plan that divides up Ukraine into a Russian puppet state and something dubbed TrumpJesusstan.
Meanwhile, President Joe Biden still is acting as the last bulwark against the GOP’s toxic brand of idiot authoritarianism. It’s gotten so bad the leader of the free world had to go on television and begged voters not to shoot themselves in the groin. However, the latest polls suggest Americans are dead set to do just that.
In related news, Marjorie Taylor Greene confuses the US state named Georgia with the planet of the same name.