Reading Time: 3 minutes

Donald Trump Jr is selling the MAGA holy book, The We The People Bible. And you may think is some sort of satirical story, but it is not. The Huffington Post’s story Donald Trump Jr. Gets Holy Hell Over Bible Fundraiser Video tells the tale of a new grift by our old friend enemy of democracy.

And if you’re thinking, That sounds too crazy to be true, and if it is true, please let there be a video—your dream has just come true.

With American Judeo-Christian values under attack, there could be no better time than to re-up our commitment to America and to the Christian values that this country was founded on. Go check out the We the people Bible. Made in America. Printed in America. Assembled in America. You’re going to love it, and I think the people in your life probably need it too.

To quote George Ducay, Oh my.

We The People Bible

The Bible looks pretty slick if you’re into neo-fascist design. There’s black lettering on a black background and, of course, there is an American flag just in case you didn’t get the message that this isn’t some snowflake/soy boy good book.

This tome just isn’t the King James Bible. Inside each and every one is a copy of the US Consitution, Declaration of Independence, Bill of Rights, and the Pledge of Allegiance. The FAQ page states that this is a red letter edition “meaning the words of our Lord Jesus Christ are highlighted in red.” That leads me to think there will be some people complaining that the Constitution, Bill of Rights, and Declaration aren’t written in red* because we all know Jesus wrote those documents himself.

I think the We The People Bible is great. Since many Trump supporters have never read the Bible or any of the other included documents, they now have one central book to show off to friends and family who also haven’t read them.

And for the low, low price of $69.99, it’s a steal!

The Trump Bible

Sometimes art imitates life and then life comes along and imitates art. A few years ago I made this satirical video The Donald Trump Bible.

Here is that video.

YouTube video

This is the small piece I wrote about it:

The Donald Trump Version (DTV) Bible is on sale now in many retail stores and online. For $59.95 the faithful can own the holy book of Christians translated by President Trump.

The DTV contains 39 books of the Old Testament, 27 books of the New Testament, and the classic Trump: The Art of the Deal. 

Evangelical scholars are celebrating the DTV. While many consider the King James Version to possess a “majesty style” the DTV has what’s being called a “Trumpian style.”

Professor Andrew Canard teaches theology at the Theological Institute of Technology (TIT). He states there are several unique characteristics of the DTV’s Trumpian style:

  • No chapter is longer than a tweet
  • Hashtags are everywhere. The most common are #Crookedhilary and LockHerUp
  • Every word of Trump: The Art of the Deal is colored red and underlined.

”A lot of Christians don’t read the Bible,” Professor Canard noted. “They will love this condensed version they will probably never read.”

There is an audio version of the DTV, too. Listeners will love every syllable. As a special treat, each member of the Trump clan reads a portion of the good book. However, Barron Trump decided not to be involved in the project. His friends report there’s only so much hypocrisy Barron can take.

United States Attorney General William Barr reviewed the DTV. His review adorns the inside cover.

I have concluded that the evidence is not sufficient to establish that Pontius Pilate committed an offense.

Attorney General Willam Barr

Early sales of the DTV are robust. It’s expected to be a best seller.

In retrospect, I should’ve jacked up the price of the Trump Bible.

Thanks for reading. In case you’re interested in learning more about the Old Testament I recommend The Atheist Handbook to the Old Testament: Volume 1. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and learned quite a bit, too.

Looking for a laugh? Check out comedian Anthony Jeselnik and his story about a Bible


*I’m assuming that they aren’t, but who knows, maybe they are.

Avatar photo

Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...