Washington DC – President Trump refused to wait for the US military to give him the military parade of his dreams. Being a man of actin, he called out to his fans in paramilitaries around the world, and they answered. Today they marched down Pennsylvania Avenue.
At first, bystanders had no idea what was going on. Suddenly the streets were cleared by men in brown shirts, and the marching bands began to play. The tune was unfamiliar to many. Some recognized it as the German anthem Deutschlandlied.
“At first the military men sang the song in German, which I thought was an odd choice,” explained onlooker Andrew Canard. “Then they sang the song in English. That made me realize Germany circa 1933 was nowhere I wanted to be. I got out of there fast.”
Mr. Canard fled the country and is now in Canada.
The English lyrics to Deutschlandlied are:
Germany, Germany above all,
Above all in the world,
When, for protection and defense,
It always stands brotherly together.
From the Meuse to the Nemen,
From the Adige to the Belt,
|: Germany, Germany above all,
Above all in the world! 😐German women, German loyalty,
German wine and German song
Shall retain in the world
Their old beautiful chime
And inspire us to noble deeds
During all of our life.
|: German women, German loyalty,
German wine and German song! 😐Unity and justice and freedom
For the German fatherland!
Towards these let us all strive
Brotherly with heart and hand!
Unity and justice and freedom
Are the foundation of happiness;
|: Flourish in the radiance of this happiness,
Flourish, German fatherland! 😐
Within hearing of the incident the German embassy rushed to put out a statement clarifying that only the third verse of the song is now used:
Germany does not consider itself to be above the world. It does not long to be above the world. Oh my God, why are we still using any part of this song?
The American alt-right rejoiced at cosplaying various German Waffen-SS divisions. The Hitlerjugend division was packed to the rim with Trump supporters itching to vote in the midterms and someday reenact Kristallnacht. Unfortunately, not everyone was happy. Some bought the wrong SS costumes and instead of being in one of the ethnically pure German groups, they were stuck in one of the Hungarian or Italian divisions.
“I got this uniform from NAZIS-R-US and I just assumed it was for one of the “good” Nazi terror units,” sighed lifelong GOP voter Hans Gruber. “I’ll be prepared next time.”
Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017
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