Washington DC – With the recent failure of Senate Republicans to pass health care legislation the President checked his enemies list and is ready to bully Nana. He’s not sure exactly when to launch his Twitter rant against the kind and gentle baker of oatmeal raisin cookies, but it’s coming soon.
In this topsy-turvy 24-hour news cycle of a world, President Trump’s attack on NFL players who locked arms or took a knee while the national anthem played is already in the rearview mirror. Knowing his political base needs to be fed the red meat of innocents every few days, it was all a matter of time before Nana was attacked.
When not totally embarrassing the country with a Twitter rant, President Trump is preparing to embarrass the country with a Twitter rant. Anonymous confidantes close to him report he spends some time every morning guzzling down coffee and brainstorming insults for his enemies.
White House staffers leaked a short list of potential Nana Trumpian nicknames:
- Nana Banana
- Undickable Granny
- Shuffling Oldie
- Leech on the System
- Do Not Resuscitate Nana
As always the President keeps his current list on him at all times. It’s reported that even he doesn’t know which insult will be his choice until its Tweeted or comes out of his mouth.
Fans of the President are in two main groups regarding his verbal attacks. Many are happy with his referral to NFL players as SOBs while others feel it lacks the finesse and class of Kim Jong Un’s “Rocket Man.”
Andrew Canard is the official Presidential Historian of the Theological Institute of Technology (TIT). He offers an expert opinion on President Trump’s conundrum:
President Trump is the victim of his own success. With every news cycle he dominates there’s just going to be another. His base is thinking What you did was great yesterday, but what about today? The upcoming attack on Nana has to be spectacular because of her popularity and protected status in society. Remember what he did to that reporter with a disability? The attack on Nana has to top that.
I shudder to think what he’s going to do in his fourth year in office. Perhaps’ he’ll unleash a Twitter storm on crippled orphans?
The President is waiting for any reason to attack. Perhaps a Nana will wistfully say over tea, “I long for the days when the President wasn’t such a dickhead.” On the other hand, a Nana could have the audacity to mention to her grandchildren that “The black guy did a better job.” Either way, Trump’s fans can feel safe their President is ready.
Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017
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