Dear Officer McGruff the Crime Dog,
America needs you, McGruff.
Law and order is the peanut butter and jelly to the sandwich that is America. Criminals like Sleepy Joe Biden and Attorney General Merrick Droopy Garland want to make America dry. They want a sandwich without peanut butter and jelly. That just leaves us two pieces of bread. Sad!
You are the best crime dog. Lassie was a loser. Scooby-Doo was coked up on Scooby snacks and we all know Hot Thelma solved those crimes.
Your movies are epic. Fake fans talk about your cartoons. They don’t know about incredible McGruff’s Guide To Personal Safety or McGruff on Self-Protection: Preventing Child Abuse and Neglect.
America needs you to take a bite out of the FBI.
FBI, if that’s their real name, broke into my Mar-a-Lago and took papers that were totally declassified because I declassified them. Even the papers that I couldn’t declassify because of crooked Democrats but I did because I am the best President.
They even got into my safe, McGruff.
If the FBI can take my stuff they can take any bone they find in your doghouse of justice. If the FBI can steal anything they want with a court-approved “search warrant,” then no one is safe who is definitely not not breaking criminalaw.
Officer McDonald’s, you took bites out of crime. Big, the hugest bites anyone ever saw. People said you had snake DNA because you could open your jaw so wide to bite crime. I told them that you loved your job and with Jesus, all bitey things are possible.
Go tell your friends the FBI is not dogs’ best friend. Crooked CNN isn’t either. People say reporters at The New Washington Times taste like bacon-steak.
Bite.
Bite for America.
Sincerely,
Donald J. Trump
Former and Still Current President of the United States of ‘Murica