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Elon Musk sent some Twitter staff a memo telling them they will need to work 12-hour days, seven days a week, and that some must be sacrificed in the quest to colonize Mars. He refused to specify if they will meet death on an altar dedicated to the space god Yog-Sothoth or in more mundane rocket-based explosions.

Death in the void of space is preferable to working at Twitter.

NOVEMBER Twitter employee of the Month Andy Canard

Any attempt to create the illusion of work-life balance was thrown out of the spaceship’s airlock when Musk purchased Twitter. Business Insider reports that “Twitter managers have told some staff to work 12-hour shifts, seven days a week—equivalent to 84 hours a week—to meet Musk’s deadlines.”

What no one expected was that Musk would require some employees to act like test subjects on experimental test flights or die on the altar of Yog-Sothoth. Well, no one except for Twitter employee of the month for November, Andy Canard.

“Elon’s company SpaceX is dedicated to colonizing the Red Planet,” Canard said. “Musk is the kinda guy who doesn’t mind breaking a few eggs to make an omelet. I’m not surprised he’s using us as sacrificial space test monkeys.”

Some Twitter employees, coders and engineers who are longtime fanboys of the new CEO, are excited about this next step in their careers. One such fan hopes to meet his fiery death testing a new rocket engine.

Republicans are applauding Twitter’s CEO’s bold leadership. Representative Lauren Boebert called his approach “revolutionary” and hopes other American business owners follow his lead. She also admitted that she didn’t believe space was real until Musk started shooting rockets into it.

In related news, a Christian couple wears ankle monitors for Christ.

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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...