Reading Time: 2 minutes

A conclave of concerned evangelicals voted unanimously and declared the month of October The Holy Ghost Month. The move is meant to fight the satanic influence of Halloween on the public.

The Holy Ghost is spreading the best candy of all: the Good News of Jesus Christ.

Reverend Andrew Canard

This is not the first time evangelicals have tried commandeering Halloween. In years past cagey believers attempted to rebrand the holiday as JesusWeen and saw some Christian households pass out Bibles to trick-or-treaters. It never really caught on.

Reverend Canard is a renowned pneumatologist and preaches at the First Baptist Church of Paris, Texas. He obtained his Ph.D. from the Theological Institute of Theology (TIT) and wrote the popular books The Holy Ghost Is Mary’s Baby Daddy, as well as The Holy Spirit Is NOT Quiet Quitting The Trinity.

Seeing the need to fight the forces of evil, Reverend Canard saw the supernatural alliance between the Holy Spirit and the month of October. “The Great Pumpkin has nothing on the Holy Ghost,” he said. “After all, the third person of the Trinity is real.”

A council of concerned evangelical leaders met and created an action plan to pry Halloween away from the Devil. True believer and actor/producer Kevin Sorbo is to reprise his role as Hercules and star in an epic streaming series titled Hercules Fights the Halloween Demon. Ken Ham is pledging a special exhibit at The Creation Museum focusing on pumpkins and Jesus. An army of street ministers is going out on Halloween Eve and confronting parents and toddlers.

Those looking to claim Halloween for Christ understand their efforts need support from the government. They are looking to the upcoming election to put into office as many zealots as possible. If sane citizens stay home and refuse to vote, then countless schools will be holding Holy Ghost October celebrations next year.

In related news, this Christian influencer got holy water breast implants.

Picture courtesy of

Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments