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The Donald wants you to know that the 666 barcodes are biblical.

Evangelical Christians who love Republican Presidential candidate Donald J. Trump are universally excited about the Trump Brand 666 Barcode Tattoo the campaign now requires for staff and supporters. The Trump camp unveiled the hot new trend in body art late last week at a Hollywood function, and since then it’s been impossible for the specially trained tattoo artists to keep up with the number of Christians who want to show their Trump love.

“It’s been crazy around here over the last few days,” stated tattoo artist Andy “the Dyslexic” Canard. “I set up a stand right in Mount Zion Megachurch last Sunday, and the Trump fans stood in line for hours.”

The Trump campaign is happy on how the roll out of this new technological aid is going. It’s barcodewidely acknowledged that Mr. Trump has the most valuable and up to date database of Republican voters. The 666 Barcode Tattoo certifies that voter information will continue to flow in for years to come.

“What’s incredible is the cutting edge nanotechnology we use,” explained Trump science consultant Dr. D. Evelle. “The mini-bots in the ink work together and broadcast an individual’s behavioral information so we will be able to create the most focused marketing campaigns in the history of man.”

Trump supporters who already have the barcode report that they love showing their support of traditional values. At first, there were some evangelicals who thought having a barcode permanently put on their forehead would create problems at work and in the community. Those fears were quickly put to rest due to the warm welcome businesses had to employees sporting the new look.

“My shift supervisor at Wal-Mart loves this thing,” stated Myron “Gabby” Greene. “This barcode shows him that I’m willing to do anything it takes to get the job done.”

Those who already have the tattoo report that they liked having a variety of colors of ink to choose from. Men had shades of reds, blacks, and blues while women got to choose from a variety of pinks. Proud parents state that they loved implanting glitter in the ink for their daughters. The Trump campaign assured them that it would wash out after a few weeks.

Evangelicals who aren’t supporting Trump are flabbergasted by the turn of events. Many wonder how the Church could veer so far away from the Sermon on the Mount when they have focused so much on discriminating against gays.

 

*Yes, this is a Poe.


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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...