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Helsinki, Finland – The government of this Northern European country of approximately 5.5 million souls is sending citizens who refuse to wear face masks to the United States.

“We didn’t want to be cruel to the states who have been making a good faith attempt at managing the pandemic,” Finnish Prime Minister Andrew Canard said. “So, we’re sending our citizens who refuse to obey basic public health procedures to Texas, Florida, and South Dakota.”

Finland Was Prepared

The New York Times reported that Finland was well prepared at the beginning of the crisis

“Finland is the prepper nation of the Nordics, always ready for a major catastrophe or a World War III,” said Magnus Hakenstad, a scholar at the Norwegian Institute for Defence Studies

Though year after year Finland has ranked high on the list of happiest nations, its location and historical lessons have taught the nation of 5.5 million to prepare for the worst, Tomi Lounema, the chief executive of Finland’s National Emergency Supply Agency, said on Saturday.

“It’s in the Finnish people’s DNA to be prepared,” Mr. Lounema said, referring to his country’s proximity to Russia, its eastern neighbor. (Finland fought off a Soviet invasion in 1939.)

The Finnish government was gobsmacked when a minority of citizens refused to put on face masks. Due to the high quality of education in the country, there is typically great respect for science. However, some individuals still balked at donning a mask and in doing so protect others from catching COVID-19.

“We don’t have time for their paskapuhe. Why not send them to the States?” reflected Prime Minister Canard.

Those Fins kicked out will still enjoy free healthcare. While they may not be wanted in their home country many in Finland believed putting them at the mercy of the American for-profit healthcare system would be a crime against humanity.

In related news, a new ad for a company that spreads misinformation is raising eyebrows.


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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...