The Florida state legislature voted to change Homo sapiens to People sapiens in hundreds of science textbooks. The Florida Board of Education is also placing bikinis on every image of female monkeys/apes and shorts on the males.
The new edict also outlaws any future reference to Homo sapiens in official state, city, or county documents. Museums funded by the state will also have to change the term to People sapiens in relevant exhibits.
The move comes weeks after Florida banned 54 science textbooks because they referenced the planet Uranus.
Officials from the Board of Education said the books were banned because they did not adhere to the state Republican Party’s platform regarding the ‘Christ-based heterosexual missionary position.’
Scientists are quick to point out that the term Homo sapiens has nothing whatsoever to do with the LGTBQ community. Rather, it is a scientific term rooted in Latin.
The name we selected for ourselves means ‘wise human’. Homo is the Latin word for ‘human’ or ‘man’ and sapiens is derived from a Latin word that means ‘wise’ or ‘astute’.Australian Museum
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis stated he doesn’t care a bit where the word came from. “Homo means one thing in Florida and that’s gay. We can’t have second graders exposed to Homo sapiens.”
Evangelicals in the Sunshine State are ecstatic and are spontaneously holding rallies, block parties, and meat raffles to celebrate.
“Demorats are trying to replace white people with minorities. They’re getting rid of God-fearing, man-woman marriages with Homo sapiens.”
– Christian influencer Billy “Bully Baptist” Coughlin
Massachusetts Governor Charlie Baker issued an executive order to assist refugees fleeing Florida. The Bay State is subsidizing bus tickets to Floridians who are seeking to move to civilization. Many are taking him up on the offer.
“I don’t want my baby boy to grow up to be a Florida man,” one mother said.
In related news, a new study shows conservative men believe uteruses are communists.
*Picture of Billy “Bully Baptist” Coughlin care on Unsplash.com