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Blountstown, Florida – Lifelong resident and Florida man Nathan Bedford Forrest IV married his King James Bible in a small ceremony earlier today.

The ceremony was held in the Chateau de Schlitz function room at the Pig and Whistle Bar on Route 20. Pastor Nathan Bedford Forrest III officiated the event.

Friends and family gave the event rave reviews on Yelp. Many remarked that turkey wrestling was a unique way to celebrate the union of man and the Word of God. Some believe it was divinely preordained that the Florida man marry the Bible of his dreams.

I’ve seen his first three wives. He could’ve done a lot worse than marrying that Bible.

PAstor Nathan Bedford forrest III

The president of the local Sons of Confederate Veterans Shadrach Forrest was the best man. Shadrach’s King James Bible was the maid of honor. Two children’s Bibles were the ring bearer and the flower girl.

The newly married couple is planning to honeymoon in the groom’s F150 truck down by the river. Whatever they plan to do down there is between them, God, and the Ford Motor Company.

There are rumors flying about town concerning an unplanned pregnancy. The bride and groom want to put a stop to all the gossip. “Yes, I want to say there will be a bundle of joy joining our little family in 7 months,” Mr. Forrest said.

Nathan Bedford Forrest IV is employed as an Elephant Inseminator at Fort Smith Zoo. His bride’s occupation is being modest and bringing lost souls to Christ.

In related news, a new scandal is hounding Representative Marjorie Taylor Green.

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