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Tallahassee, Florida – Governor Ron DeSantis signed the Don’t Say Power of the Dog bill into law today. The statute places restrictions on teachers, bus drivers, and other public servants from discussing the award-winning movie due to its gay themes.

“If you’re on the public payroll and at work, then you should be talking about something else besides how attractive Benedict Cumberbatch is in Power of the Dog,” Governor DeSantis said.

Many consider the penalties for breaking the edict to be particularly harsh. First-time offenders are made to watch the evangelical-themed God isn’t Dead film starring Kevin Sorbo. The punishment for other offenses includes volunteering at Ken Ham’s Ark Encounter and attending former President Trump’s rallies.

The real crime here is that Power of the Dog didn’t win Best Picture.

Guy who didn’t see coda

Anonymous sources report that they have first-hand experience listening to DeSantis praise Cumberbatch’s performance and homoerotic chemistry with costar Kodi Smit-McPhee. Many of those close to the governor hope he takes the law to heart and stops talking about the flick.

Unsurprisingly, Governor DeSantis’ move is making Power of the Dog more popular in the Sunshine State. In a snap poll of 687 state workers, 88% say they are now going to see the movie even though they had little interest in it before the passing of the law.

Critics are saying this is just another attempt by Republicans to energize their base in preparation for the 2022 midterm elections. Professor Andrew Canard teaches GOP and KGB Tactics at Miskatonic University in Providence, Rhode Island. He believes right-wing politicians have no real policy positions to campaign on so they resort to culture war issues.

“Republicans demonize minority groups because we live in a system that incentivizes tribalism,” Professor Canard said. “As long as there are enough white people who are willing to vote against their economic class interests we can expect the GOP to continue to use these tactics.”

In related news, a Ukrainian power plant explodes and leaks dangerous solarium radiation.

Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...