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Are you poor? Please, don’t feel like you’re going to be attacked. This is not the place where we shame people for not rolling in the Benjamins or flying first class.

(Look out, kids, this sounds like we’re getting awfully close to communism. Calm down, you will find no quotes from The Communist Manifesto here. But I digress.)

Being poor isn’t generally considered a sin if you’re young and just out of school. Living in an apartment with a gaggle of other people and sharing one bathroom? People hear that story from someone who is 22 and think Ah, they’re just paying their dues. Of course, if they weren’t brainwashed maybe those same people would think That sounds like they’re being hazed by late-stage capitalism.

And being hazed is, well, wrong. Right?

There was a story in the news the other day where a high school football coach got suspended and the team’s season ended quickly due to a hazing incident. The victim was getting his clothes torn off him by several members of the roster in a locker room. It was recorded and uploaded to social media. We consider that wrong (those of us with a functioning value system do). So why is it that Dennis has to poop in a bucket because the community bathroom is jammed up a right of passage?

(BTW, don’t worry about Dennis. He’s OK.)

What I’ve done is compiled a small list of what people have said to me when they realize I’m not affluent and work at a nonprofit company (currently I work with veterans in transitional housing). I’ve been doing this sort of gig for years, so I have a nifty little collection of hilarious hilarities.


That’s your car?

Just five minutes earlier we were making out in a bar. We walked outside and she saw my 2007 Toyota Corolla (sans hubcaps). She wasn’t into me after that.

That must be rewarding work.

This person is at least making an effort at conversation before he leaves you 2 seconds to talk to someone else at the party.

You’re the poorest person I know.

For reals, I got this comment from someone I was dating.

How can you be dating her? You don’t have any money.

Because I’m a Jedi. Or a Sith. I suppose it all depends on who you ask.

Do you have any quotable quotes?

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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...