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Sold to the best man!

Nuuk, Greenland – The 44th President of the United States Barack Obama is now the owner of the world’s largest island, Greenland. In an unconventional move, the government of Denmark and the people of Greenland decided on the sale late last night.

”President Trump pushed back a meeting with Denmark because we refuse even to consider selling Greenland to the United States,” stated Denmark’s Prime Minister Andrew Kanard. “We thought the appropriate response was to sell Greenland to President Obama for one dollar.”

Greenland is officially a county of Denmark. The island was granted home rule by the Danish in 1979. Denmark’s government appoints a High Commissioner to act as its voice in Greenland. Locals control most of Greenland’s affairs, leaving defense and foreign relations to Denmark.

Many wonder at how quickly the Danish government and the people of Greenland acted. Within hours of President Trump’s response to Denmark’s refusal to sell the island with a population of approximately 57,000, the deal of the century was cemented with Barack Obama.

”You want to know what unifies people?” asked Prime Minister Kanard. “A severe dislike for Donald Trump.”

Greenlanders are overwhelmingly happy with their new landlord. 89% voted for the sale. Of course, the specifics of the deal don’t change the status quo too much. Barack Obama is the honorary owner of Greenland. The island still has home rule. Denmark remains officially in charge.

However, there is one significant change. Every August 21st from now on will be Barack Obama Day in Greenland and Denmark. The new holiday will include all-night parties and a special burning of Donald Trump in effigy.

The White House is wondering what it will do. Insiders state President Trump is looking for a big win to counter this loss at the hands of the Danes and Greenlanders.

One anonymous source said, “If we can’t buy Greenland, then maybe we can buy Scotland. With Brexit coming the English are going to need cash.”


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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...