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Tyler, Texas – This small town has several churches, two gas stations, and a Hooters. Life changes slowly here. Ten years ago the town decided to change the blinking yellow light in the center to a four-way blinking red light, and people are still talking about it. However, the recent pairing of the First Avenue Baptist Chruch and the Hooters is turning things upside down.

Jesus loves the sauce.

Reverend Andrew Canard has led the church for two decades. He’s seen a lot in his time. He’s officiated church members’ weddings and baptized many of their children. What he couldn’t ignore was the growing number of empty pews on Sunday mornings.

“The country as a whole is becoming more satanic, and you can see that with the spread of TikToks,” he said. “The smaller number of Christians means churches have to compete with each other. And that’s why we teamed up with the good people at Hooters.”

Here are some changes at the church due to this innovative collaboration.

  1. Hooters girls as greeters When someone walks into church on a Sunday they are greeted with a warm hello by one of the waitresses.
  2. Coupons printed in the church bulletin Church attendees will receive special deals!
  3. Free wings on communion Sundays The Lord’s supper is celebrated on the first Sunday of every month. Instead of tasting some stale bread for Jesus’ body, people will have their choice of wing.

Though the new program just started, early results are positive. People are flocking to Reverend Canard and the church is raking in the donations.

In related news, Melania Trump is quarantining indefinitely. 


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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...