White House spiritual advisor Pastor Paula White was arrested by Icelandic police for selling golden tickets to heaven.
Reykjavik, Iceland – This North Atlantic country is known for promoting secularism. First, it placed mandatory mental health warnings on Bibles. Iceland then it banned televangelists from its shores. And now it arrested President Trump’s spiritual advisor Pastor Paula White for selling golden tickets to heaven.
The Mystery
Many are wondering how the prosperity gospel guru got into the island country when there was there is a ban against faith-based crooks in the first place. It turns out authorities knew about her trip beforehand. Icelandic Intelligence Services (ISS) Inspector Andrew Kanard explains:
IIS keeps tabs on well known American miscreants like Pastor White. While it was possible to stop her at the airport and send her back to the States, we wanted to make an example of her. She was under surveillance once her private jet landed. Two days later she ran a seminar for wealthy European supporters. It was there we made the arrest.
Inspector Kanard states Pastor White is in custody along with her entire retinue. Attendees to the seminar are being offered therapy and classes to educate them on how to avoid scams.
The Scam
Pastor White’s Golden Tickets To Heaven sold at $99,999. When tested in ISS labs, it turned out they were not made from gold. Lab technicians believe Kentucky Fried Chicken buckets were ‘recycled’ and painted gold. “They smelled like extra crispy,” one anonymous source stated.
Pastor White’s attorneys from Dewy, Cheatem, and Howe state their client was only following a time-honored method in raising money and saving souls. They point out the Catholic Church has a rich history in selling indulgences to the gullible. Indulgences helped the faithful get into the fast lane to get to paradise. The only thing White did was raise the price and give the certificates a glitzy makeover.
Inspector Kanard points out selling indulgences, not vaccinating children, and spreading superstition are illegal under Iceland’s law.
The Future
Pastor Paula White and her band of con-artists are awaiting trial. Sources say they are being kept in a special area where they will have no opportunity to spread their toxic religion to other inmates.
In related news, Mississippi adopts single prayer healthcare.
*This Poe is based on another Poe – Florida couple sells golden tickets to heaven.
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