Reykjavik, Iceland – The government of Iceland is fining anyone within the country the equivalent of $36 if they communicate in any way evolution isn’t true.
The move comes as waves of creationists and other conspiracy theorists swarms social media platforms with disinformation about the scientific theory.
”American Evangelicals are targeting our happy, secular country with their Bronze Age beliefs,” Prime Minister Andrew Kanard said. “They want to turn Iceland into Alabama.”
No one in Iceland’s parliament is surprised at American Evangelicals using social media to undermine scientific literacy in the North Atlantic country. After all, Iceland recently placed mental health warning labels on all Bibles.
Iceland’s citizens are overwhelmingly supportive of their government. In a snap poll, 88% agreed to the new fines. “Did you know Alabama’s restrictions on abortion are more severe than Iran’s?” one anonymous citizen exclaimed. “We don’t need that sort of nonsense here.”
Evangelicals Vow To Fight On
Reverend Nathan Bedford Forest heads the American Society of Scripture (ASS). Reverend Forest believes Christ called him to head the spiritual assault on the peaceful island country of 330,000 souls. “By the time we’re done with them, they’ll be drinking sweet tea and asking ‘If evolution were true, then why are there still monkeys?’”
Sources deep in ASS report the organization may be getting help from Russian Intelligence. Russian President Vladimir Putin wishes to sow discord among Western countries, and what better way to do that than use toxically stupid Americans?
“It makes sense when you think about it,” Prime Minister Kanard reflected. “They helped get Donald Trump elected. Why not turn another country into an asylum?”
The Future
Pundits are calling the Iceland-Evangelical conflict the New Cold War. While this conflict doesn’t feature nuclear weapons, the fate of civilization may lie in the balance. Will the future belong to science or Jesus’ favorite fast food, Chik-fil-A?
Only time will tell.
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*This Poe is based on the very real story Russia plans law to fine people £36 for claiming HIV and AIDS don’t exist as conspiracy theory spreads online and more than 100,000 people were infected with the deadly virus last year.
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