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The Idaho legislature signed what’s being called The Fugitive Mother Act late last night and was signed into law early this morning by Governor Brad Little (R). The new statute authorizes the executive branch to “hire/deputize men over the age of 18 to seek out and apprehend mothers who seek abortions in other states.”

Unborn babies are at risk. We need to act.

Governor Brad Little

State Senator Todd Lakey (R) sponsored the bill. He believes this is a great leap forward in combatting abortion trafficking. “Up until now, we had no way of preventing these murder moms from going to non-Christian states to kill their babies,” he said. “Countless children will be saved.”

The law not only creates what amounts to a militia of bounty hunters who will be called Child Constables, but it also found a way to fund them. Idaho is not a rich state, so Republican lawmakers had to think creatively. By defunding all arts and music programs in public schools Governor Little will be able to hire 200 highly qualified men.

Unemployed men from around the state are flocking to the state capitol and making out applications in hopes to be hired as Child Constables. Well over 2,000 are expected to apply. And while no one knows for sure what experience is required to be a Child Constable, Governor Little insists, “They need to be Christian and born with man parts.” When asked why the bounty hunters need to be male, Governor Little said, “Vaginas can’t be trusted.”

The law states women may be arrested who are “actively crossing state lines, have already crossed state lines, or are planning to cross state lines” in order to obtain an abortion. It was obvious to lawmakers that finding murder moms before they flee the state would be a problem. So, a free tipline is being offered for concerned Christians who suspect someone they know may be trying to kill their little bundle of pre-born joy.

Women who are convicted of trying to kill their unborn child or children will face murder charges. Those who are found guilty of assisting in the attempted murder will also face significant jail time and fines.

Republican State Senator Scott Herndon believes supports The Fugitive Mother Act. However, he believes it doesn’t go far enough. “We need to bring murderous moms back here to stand trial as well as their abortionist blue state accomplices.” Senator Herndon is preparing a bill that will expand Governor Little’s power to include apprehending doctors, nurses, and other staff of Planned Parenthood in other states.

Surrounding states that offer reproductive services are taking Idaho seriously. Oregon and Washington are considering militarizing their border with Idaho in an attempt to keep the insanity on the other side. Planned Parenthood in those states has been given permission to form armed units to protect themselves from any attempted assaults from Idaho’s Child Constables.

Political pundits are not that surprised. Idaho recently passed a law outlawing nearly all abortions. Abortion providers can face multiple lawsuits from each and every concerned family member. Planned Parenthood currently operates three clinics in the state and may have to close them.

Professor Andrew Canard studies religious fanaticism and moral panics. His books include The Satanic Panic and Oprah as well as Salem’s Witches and Christianity. He believes there will be other states adopting Idaho’s draconian measures because Christianity is declining in the United States at a record pace. “This is the last gasp of a faith who knows its time is done. Unfortunately, many women will suffer needlessly.”

In related news, former Vice President Mike Pence bites off his own tongue.

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This Poe was inspired by Idaho lawmakers pass a bill to prevent minors from leaving the state for abortion and, of course, The Fugitive Slave Act of 1850 :

Passed on September 18, 1850 by Congress, The Fugitive Slave Act of 1850 was part of the Compromise of 1850.  The act required that slaves be returned to their owners, even if they were in a free state.  The act also made the federal government responsible for finding, returning, and trying escaped slaves

Featured image courtesy of some pretty awesome AI.

Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...

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