McGruff wants modest vaginas and godly penises.
Reading Time: 2 minutes McGruff wants modest vaginas and godly penises.
Reading Time: 2 minutes
McGruff wants modest vaginas and godly penises.
McGruff wants modest vaginas and godly penises.


The North American Society for Triumphant Islam (NASTI) unveiled a campaign aimed to create modest vaginas and godly penises. A series of NASTI public service announcements are flooding the airwaves as well as the Internet urging sexual organs to behave themselves.

“The West is infiltrating Islamic communities in North America with non-Islamic ideas like uncovered female heads and men who aren’t mansplaining the Qur’an,” explained NASTI CEO Sheik Mohamed Canard. “Our message to young and old is that love of Allah starts with genital management.”

Surprisingly NASTI’s message is being applauded by many academics. Sociologists are congratulating Islamic culture’s push back against western cultural imperialism.

“Cultural rape has to stop,” said Professor Ridley Diculous of Toronto University. “Attacking community standards of other cultures via so-called human rights propaganda is the modus operandi of cisgendered white males. It’s about time Islam said NO.”

NASTI recently bought the rights to McGruff the Crime Dog. Agent McGruff was the cartoon dog in a trench coat who was popular decades ago. Back then McGruff urged citizens to take common sense measures to lower crime in their localities. His signature line was “Take a bite out of crime.”

After NASTI’s makeover, McGruff the Crime Dog is now Imam McGruff. His new tag line is Take a bite out of kafirs!”

Renowned biologist and author of such classic books as The Selfish Gene and The God Delusion Professor Richard Dawkins is brazenly taking issue with NASTI:

Kafir is not some innocent term. Rather, it’s a word meaning one who disbelievers in Allah. Christians, Jews, and atheists are kafir. This absurd organization is doing what every aggressive cult has done since the dawn of man — excercising thought control over its adherents and sending them out in the world to persecute nonmembers of the cult.

NASTI’s spokes-sheik Sheik Canard held a public press conference and decried the racist and prejudiced statements of Professor Dawkins. Joining him was Professor Ridley Diculous. Professor Diculous stated she expected no less from “an old white man with so much English-accented privilege.”

Several universities in the United States and Canada reacted to Professor Dawkin’s anti-Muslim statements by officially rescinding his faculty bathroom privileges. If he ever visits Harvard again, Professor Dawkins will have to utilize plebeian urinals.

Imam McGruff is rumored to be starring in a new PSA arguing against evolution, the evils of Dawkinsism, and Jews.



*This Poe is dedicated to this Deen Squad and their little slice of musical doublespeak.

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Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...