Reading Time: 2 minutes

 

Heaven – In a stunning turn of events God the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Ghost appeared before the heavenly hosts and the earthly press to officially state they are not telling racist white people to call the police on black people minding their own business.

”I… I just can’t even deal with you people,” God the Father muttered as he addressed the crowd. “And by you people I’m talking about folks like Permit Patty, Barbeque Becky, and that jerk ID Adam. Here, you take this. I start talking to these boobs and I get mad and then frogs come flying out of the sky.”

Jesus took the microphone and took a few minutes to warm up the crowd before getting into the meat and potatoes. “Hey, how is everyone doing today? Sir, where are you from?”

After making a few obvious but funny observations on how sharing a cell phone plan with Mary Magdalene was a huge step in their relationship, Jesus laid it all on the line. “White people, listen to me. No one from the Trinity is telling you to call the police on that black girl taking a nap in the common area of your dorm. We aren’t giving you divine inspiration to check that black woman’s identification at the neighborhood pool.”

Jesus then took the next hour and a half and went down the laundry list of times when whites should not be calling the police on black people.

After completing the exhaustive list the floor was open to questions.

”I’m not racist. But what if I don’t want black people around me? Or having fun? Or being successful? Can I call the police then?” asked the reporter from FOX News.

Jesus then turned to his Father and asked him if stupid is a direct result from original sin.

Unexpectedly Satan appeared and announced he wasn’t involved in any of this. Ever since giving humanity the gift of knowledge he’s been nurturing the arts and sciences. Before getting kicked off the stage he told the crowd to check their good books and take note how racism was a God ordained institution for centuries.

While the Trinity got their message out no one believes anyone is going to pay attention. Especially evangelicals.


Laughing in Disbelief has a Facebook group, Left of Center. Check it out!

Avatar photo

Andrew Hall escaped a childhood of religious indoctrination and is now a non-miserable human being. He's made millions of people laugh as well as angry. (He hopes he's made the right people annoyed.) Targets...